I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
