I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Holy sore nipples Batman
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
