I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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