In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
