am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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