i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
