Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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