Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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