Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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