Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
