Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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