i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
