At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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