Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
