Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
