yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
