she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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