need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
