Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
