Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
