Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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