I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
