Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
