Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
