All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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