wakey wakey hands off snakey
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
