belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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