so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
