yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
