There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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