just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
