Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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