just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
