im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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