i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
