just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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