I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
