I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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