even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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