Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what day is it and did you see me today?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
