does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
