Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
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Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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