I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
