and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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