Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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