dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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