Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
