the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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