im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
