Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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