I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
