I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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