My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
