i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
