Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
