Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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