Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
