I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
