Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
