Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
