Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
