And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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