Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
