I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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