i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
