standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
