We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
