I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
