I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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