I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
