my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
