If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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