I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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